


you may find yourself

by timelordswillwasteyou



Series: reisarumi [1]
Category: K (Anime)
Genre: Canon Compliant, Developing Friendships, Developing Relationship, Falling In Love, Grief/Mourning, Healing, M/M, Mentally healthy(er) Fushimi, Multi, Polyamory, Post-Canon, Reconciliation, hard to believe this is the first fic of these three
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-01
Updated: 2019-01-01
Packaged: 2019-10-01 20:15:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,236
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17250683
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/timelordswillwasteyou/pseuds/timelordswillwasteyou
Summary: In the aftermath of the Slate's destruction, old relationships are rekindled and new ones are built. As they heal together, though unbeknownst to the others, Fushimi, Yata, and Munakata find themselves falling for each other.





	you may find yourself

**Author's Note:**

> had this idea in my head forever and have been driving myself crazy roleplaying it with myself, so here it is. There will be multiple chapters which I am quite motivated to finish (for once), including many for which I'll most definitely need to raise the rating, so...happy new year? comments and kudos are, as ever, so welcome and appreciated <3
> 
> (apologies for the terrible title but uh actually I'm not sorry)  
> (unedited for now. I'll fix that at some point.)

Staring unseeingly at his brightly lit computer screen in the middle of the morning on a Thursday, fingers poised halfway to the keyboard where he’d been correcting Doumyouji’s report (again), Fushimi finds himself wondering at what point his life as it currently is came to be.

He also finds himself unable to identify one discreet point, one moment where he looked around and realized he was in love with not one but two people.

He doesn’t remember falling in love with Misaki; the process was slow, subtle, and unknown enough to sort of slip under the radar without him realizing what was happening. He has many memories of them together, of course (not all of them good, and his collarbone aches with the reminder, but he’s trying to be good, trying not to worry at it anymore), but mostly what comes to mind when he thinks of Misaki are his smiles. His memories of them are woven together with a chain of those smiles, even the ones that weren’t for him, and he never stopped to question why they made his heart race and settle at the same time until he had already broken them, and by then, of course, it was too late.

He has long come to terms with it, though, so that the pounding rhythm his heart deems necessary to adopt every time he thinks of those smiles has become routine. It is a simple fact of his life: he has black hair, he’s a member of Scepter 4 and a former blue clansman, and he’s in love with Yata Misaki. And falling harder, still, if that’s even possible; they have had several long and difficult conversations in the six months since the destruction of the Slate, are spending time together as friends again, and it is everything Fushimi had never dared imagine after his betrayal (though Misaki, of all people, now insists he isn’t a traitor, that the Blue King really was his King all along, and fuck, Fushimi would never admit it but it means everything even if he still doesn’t quite believe it himself.)

Speaking of whom… _the Blue King_. Fushimi huffs to himself through his smile; that man is his other problem, isn’t he? The man who saw something in him, some kind of potential under his depressed and spiteful and probably half-insane self, and gave him a place to belong. Although, it’s not really the _place_ he feels part of, is it? It’s the man himself, and therein lies the other half of Fushimi’s problem. After everything happened with Misaki and he destroyed his entire world, he could have easily fallen into that familiar self-destructive spiral he used to call home, but Munakata put him to work, used his talents, didn’t pity him or try to fix him or any of those things, helped Fushimi come into himself and explore his own definition of what it means to have a King. He has been trying to open up to his coworkers more, even though they’re idiots – he’s healing, after all, and part of that is having friends, so Munakata and Misaki like to remind him so often – but he still sees himself as serving Munakata, not Scepter 4. He serves the second man who saved him, and just like the first, he finds himself halfway in love with his King before he can even stop to catch his breath.

With Munakata, the falling felt more tangible, almost deliberate, even though of course it hadn’t been. He was at least somewhat aware of what was going on, however, since he was quite familiar with what it means when your stomach bottoms out and then flutters back into your throat whenever you look at someone, but between his job and the war with Jungle and the end of the Slate that resulted, he never had time to stop and think about what those feelings might mean now that he has them for a King. It’s different, of course – everything’s different, himself most importantly but also Munakata as opposed to Misaki. Munakata is older and bleeds authority from every pore and is mature and intelligent and compassionate and everything Fushimi has found he thinks a King should be (everything Mikoto wasn’t, and he and Misaki are together starting to understand that’s why he had to leave, even if there were obviously better ways to go about doing so). Fushimi has never found himself particularly attracted to these things in themselves (especially not, as his attraction to Misaki demonstrates, authority and intelligence, and plus, thinking of _that man_ can still make him shudder in fear), but Munakata wears them so well, and in combination with his kindness and wit and ability to read and understand people, Fushimi found himself hopelessly drawn in by the somewhat enigmatic King.

His damn beautiful face, and what Fushimi is sure is a body to match, certainly doesn’t help, either.

The long and short of it is this: Fushimi fell for Misaki probably back in middle school, and then Munakata sometime after joining Scepter 4, and instead of the latter having replaced the former the two men are somehow coexisting side by side in his heart. It’s not that they each have half of his love (if the amount someone can love can even be limited or quantified like that); no, it would be so much easier if that were the case. No, rather, it’s that he’s entirely in love with _both_ of them, and he didn’t think he was capable of this much feeling, feels so full it sometimes feels like too much for his body, which still seems to think that _love_ and _Fushimi_ aren’t things that can be reconciled within one (or at least within _his_ ) being.

But here he is, anyway. He looks back to his screen, reaching to the side of the display and lowering the brightness without thinking, then huffing in fond disbelief of himself for responding subconsciously to the concerns of his two problems ( _“You’ll hurt your eyes like that, and you already need glasses, stupid monkey!” “I believe it would be more beneficial to your work and your vision if you adjusted the brightness on your computer, Fushimi-kun.”_ )

He chuckles to himself, zoning back in to reality and lowering his hands back over his keyboard. Just as he begins to type again, he gets a notification on his PDA, and barely notices the way his heart races when he sees Misaki’s name. At the same moment, Munakata strides into the room, smiling at Fushimi in that kind and knowing way of his as he passes, and, fuck, Fushimi’s going to need a new heart at this rate. 

The three of them have been spending time together, which is less weird than Fushimi would have thought had he heard it even a month before, and having both of them close to him all the time is everything and too much all at once; although, at this point, they’ve spoiled him to the point where he wouldn’t really have it any other way. His crush on Munakata is still a little confusing, since he always thought Misaki was it for him; that hasn’t changed, he supposes, it’s just that he has more than one ‘it,’ now. Between the dinners and games and conversations between the three of them, his feelings certainly haven’t wavered, indeed have only grown, which he doesn’t really know how to handle so has decided to ignore as best he can for now. He doesn’t want to change their dynamic – he loves their dynamic, and wants to ride the wave of contentment and peace and love it brings with it as long as he can. With a sigh and a smile, he unlocks his phone and reads the message Misaki’s sent on the app Fushimi made for them back in the day.

Misaki has invited him for dinner tonight at his place, told him to invite “that creepy guy” if he wants, and when Fushimi turns to share the news Munakata is already leaning over his shoulder to read the message, smiling small but fond.

Fushimi’s heart pounds once more, hard, then quiets down. Fushimi smiles down at the screen, biting his lip in a futile attempt to control himself.

_So that's it, huh?_

He is powerless to the feeling: he can't wait for tonight.

\----

Elbows on his desk, hands folded under his chin and fingers supporting his head, it feels like the first time Munakata has been still in several years.

This is a slight exaggeration, of course, but it has certainly been busy between dealing with Jungle and the loss of his power, and he feels drained and – if he were to admit it to himself – quite ready to a break.

Part of that is his own doing, though. He has kept himself deliberately overworked for what feels like his whole life but especially since the fall of the former Red King’s Sword of Damocles, and though he was in fact busy, he needed to stay busy lest he let himself really think of what Suoh’s death meant for him. With an occupied body, he could pretend to forget the warmth and red of Suoh’s blood on his hands; with an occupied mind, he could pretend that loving him meant nothing – indeed, that he had never loved Suoh at all. It worked, quite efficiently, for some time; he has always had impeccable self-control (and what is it they say? Ah, yes – ‘fake it until you make it.’) Some part of him realized what he was doing to his mental wellbeing, but most of him realized he could not deal with thoughts of Suoh on top of everything else piling up at work, that his heart could not handle the loss if he were to revel in grief like he so easily could have (so easily could he have let the loss break him, and it nearly did anyway).

But there is time now, and so he has let himself grieve. It is not that he hadn’t accepted Suoh’s death – it would be difficult not to, after all, having himself driven home the blow that took his life, even if his fate had been sealed the second Totsuka Tatara was killed. No, it is not acceptance Munakata has had to learn, but how to mourn. Suoh was his first love, and his first real loss, and having put off the grieving process nearly a year and a half hasn’t helped close up the black rift in his chest.

He’s learning, though, that it is okay to feel like the rift will never actually close; what he needs to do – what he has been teaching himself to do, through meditation and reflection and all sorts of things he believed may work for him – is discover the things which can be used as stitches, and then let those sutures heal the best they can.

He has found, to his pride and delight, that one major such suture has been Fushimi Saruhiko.

His subordinate has been growing and healing a lot, himself, and it certainly shows in the way he has encouraged Munakata (never outright, of course, but in his subtle, caring way Munakata is finding he loves) to lean on him. Munakata never asked him for this, and Fushimi never asked what was wrong, only started showing up in his office with an extra mug of coffee or passive aggressively switching his office lights off when he thinks Munakata has stayed at work too late. They have also spoken more, had more real conversations that Munakata thinks either of them have ever had in their lives, and it is just another sign of how much Fushimi has grown.

He likes to think he’s had a part in that, too.

No matter Fushimi’s motivations, Munakata finds himself depending on the little things he does and says during the day that shows he cares for Munakata. He retains his sarcasm and disregard for orders he thinks are foolish, which Munakata is glad for, but he also is capable of such kindness even after his life has shown him so little that it sometimes takes Munakata’s breath away.

Though that could also have something to do with the way that lately, something in his heart seems to be shifting and making room for Fushimi alongside the place where formerly only Suoh had ever weaseled his way into. It took a bit of time to accept, but Munakata is teaching himself not to be in denial about his emotions anymore, and in light of these teachings after Suoh’s death he is able to admit to himself that he is harboring quite the crush on Fushimi.

Spending time together outside of work has become somewhat normal, to Munakata’s delight (though he will admit it has not helped his crush wane), and they are of course both professionals and are able to keep their working relationship separate from their friendship, which is developing over dinners and other activities.

Of course, lately, spending time with Fushimi outside of work also means spending time with Yata Misaki, with whom he seems to have reconciled (and who, Munakata would be the first to admit, makes excellent food). He is thrilled that his subordinate’s relationship with Yata seems to be developing (or redeveloping, he supposes) so well, and he can certainly sense how compatible they are and how close they must have been (and are again becoming). Dinner between the three of them has become fairly common, and though he might have imagined it would be awkward – he knows Yata harbors somewhat mixed emotions for his role in what he perceived as Fushimi’s defection to Scepter 4, and he certainly wouldn’t want to intrude on what he knows is an incredibly special relationship between the two of them – they have not been, and have in fact quickly become one of his favorite parts of his life.

This also means that he is becoming closer to Yata, finding a strange sort of kinship in him as they share their memories of Suoh and their concerns for Fushimi’s wellbeing. He is somewhat shocked to discover one day that this feeling of kinship has apparently translated into a crush on him; he really never thought there would be room for anyone but Suoh in his heart, much less two new people in a relatively short period. But he supposes it makes sense, too; they have both been instrumental in his healing process, whether or not they know it, and as his heart heals and moves on from Suoh it has apparently decided the people who helped it do so belong within it, too.

In addition, if he’s being honest with himself, Yata is quite the attractive young man. He has a raw kind of power to him that reminds him of Suoh in some ways, though his red aura and personality are uniquely him, and he possesses the sort of kindness that Munakata imagines comes from growing up with younger siblings. It does wonders for Fushimi’s willingness to eat well, for one, not to mention for Munakata’s growing crush. That is to say nothing of Fushimi himself, who of course is one of the most beautiful men Munakata has ever seen, a fact which has only recently begun to keep Munakata up at night and haunt his dreams even when he does fall asleep.

In short, Munakata finds himself falling in love with two of Suoh’s former clansmen. He chuckles to himself. _Ironic, isn’t it, Suoh? You would probably chuckle too if you were here. You would probably act like you always saw this coming._ Munakata gets up and walks around his desk, going over the window and crossing his hands behind his back and he looks out over Shizume City. There isn’t a cloud in the sky. He glances over to the window on the other side of his office that looks out into the other offices of Scepter 4, sees Fushimi scowling at his screen as Doumyouji happily hands him another stack of reports to digitize. He smiles to himself. _Maybe you did_.

He notices Fushimi’s expression change as he receives a notification on his personal PDA, a small blush starting to cover his upper cheekbones. _Ah. A message from Yata-kun, then._ That Fushimi is likely in love with Yata has not escaped his notice, but he has not let this bother him; they obviously care for each other deeply, after all, and if they are to be then who is Munakata to stop them for something as simple as his own feelings for them both?

Glancing back at the cloudless sky once more, he closes his eyes and tips his head down, still smiling, and strides across his office and out the door. He needs to confirm his dinner plans for tonight, after all.

\----

“Why are you blushing, Yata? Got a date tonight?” Kusanagi asks as Yata sits at the bar, bottom lip between his teeth, madly typing out a message on his custom PDA. He’s so absorbed in his message to Saruhiko – just a simple _dinr at my place tonite, saru?_ that still has his heart racing stupidly – that the words don’t register until a second later, and he throws his PDA to the bar to free up his hands so he can yell, “What!” and then, when he ensures his phone (or worse, the bar) isn’t damaged, adds, “Kusanagi-san!”

The man in question chuckles, finishing up the wine glass he’s polishing and bending down to put it away behind the bar. When he rises back up, he says, “Well, you’re blushing, is all. I figured you might be making plans with Fushimi.” He goes for another glass, but it looks perfectly clean to Yata, and he gets the feeling it’s just an attempt to cover up the bartender’s smug smile.

Yata, of course, only blushes harder at that, because what is there to deny? But his pride demands he at least acts a little indignant, and adds, “Not just Saruhiko…” and then, “Oh!” as he remembers to tell Saru to invite his creepy King, if he wants.

His pride also dictates he doesn’t let that thought make him blush even harder.

He types out a quick message: _u can invit that crpy guy 2 if u want_ , then puts his PDA face down on the bar, sighs, and puts his head in his hands, elbows splayed across the lovingly upkept wooden surface.

Kusanagi puts down the glass he’s working on and leans back on one of the wooden dividers that separates the bar’s alcohol selection, tugging on his bandana a little now that it doesn’t need to be out of his way and taking a cigarette out of one pocket and a lighter out of the other. Yata knows him well enough to know this is his if-you-want-to-talk-I’m-here-to-listen stance, and he sighs again, burying his face in his arms and mumbling, “I like Saruhiko.”

He hears Kusanagi lighter flick, then waits the necessary beat before he hears him exhale before peaking out from his hands at one of his best friends.

Kusanagi is smiling in that annoying knowing way of his, but he doesn’t say anything, and Yata supposes he doesn’t really need to. He figures Kusanagi has known for some time now, anyway. Still, it’s probably healthy to talk about these things, right?

So he adds, “A _lot_ ,” then groans and buries his face again.

The thing is, he’s always thought Saruhiko was amazing, even when he saw him as a traitor to Homra who destroyed part of Yata’s world. He’s pretty much known that his feelings have probably never been strictly platonic, and that’s never given him trouble before, but now that he and Saruhiko are hanging out again (which is more than he could have asked for after learning his role in making Saruhiko feel abandoned in Homra, and so good Yata is dizzy with it)… Yata groans again. Saruhiko has only gotten cooler, is the thing – cooler and more mature and better at things like programming and swordsmanship and, god, _hotter_ on top of all that.

It’s cool, though; Yata can totally handle it – is handling it, perfectly well! Yata Misaki of Homra won’t be defeated by a stupid crush, especially one he’s had for what feels like his whole life.

Or at least, he would be able to handle it, if there wasn’t another little monkey wrench (ha) in the form of the former Blue King.

Yata doesn’t know when he woke up able to say that Munakata Reisi was a pretty big part of his life now. That is to say, he knows it happened sometime after the Slate was destroyed, but can’t pinpoint when he started accompanying Saru to dinner and movie nights. 

He remembers not being super pleased with the development at first, thought that guy was intruding on his and Saru’s still-fragile, newly rekindled friendship, but soon realized that the grudging respect he’d always held for the man was in no way undeserved. He’s Saruhiko’s King, for one, and Saru’s amazing, so of course he wouldn’t follow just anyone. It isn’t just that, though. The man obviously cares a lot of Saruhiko’s wellbeing, has taken an interest in taking care of him alongside Yata, and Yata finds himself not exactly hating it, doesn’t feel replaced but rather bolstered in his efforts to get Saruhiko to eat his damn vegetables and drink something other than coffee. He’s better at doing it in more subtle ways that Yata has never been good at, slipping a water bottle into the fridge next to where Saruhiko usually keeps his sodas, and while he’s sure Saru isn’t exactly falling for it, he does accept the efforts, and Yata finds himself proud of Saruhiko and impressed with the former Blue King’s ability to affect his oldest (and most stubborn) friend’s behavior in a positive way. Between that guy’s subtle efforts and Yata’s blatant ones, he thinks they’re getting pretty good at keeping Saruhiko on track.

So he and Yata have bonded over Saruhiko’s health, sure, but that doesn’t explain the speeding up of Yata’s heart whenever he’s close. It freaked him out a little when he first started noticing it was happening, as it kinda reminded him of how he felt when he was falling for Saru, but different, too, in subtle ways. In a lot of ways he’s kind of like the caretaker he and Saruhiko never had growing up, like a cool 8th-grader who would beat up their bullies in a heartbeat but also pat them on the head and call them cute. He’s like that, sure, but it never feels condescending, even as Yata finds himself drawn to the older man’s maturity and poise. He’s also seeing why Saruhiko likes him so much, why he wanted to follow him, and realizing that even helps him understand why Saruhiko left Homra back in the day (it wasn’t an abandonment of him, or of Homra, and he’s beginning to understand that, now).

Anyway, the point is – and Yata groans, _again_ , at the admission – that, while his feelings for Saruhiko haven’t changed and probably never will, he thinks he’s crushing on Saru’s boss, too. And, fuck – the thing is, he’s a queer man, okay, and that Blue is _so fucking pretty_. Impossibly so, Yata sometimes thinks. He’s pretty, and older and smart and kind, and Saru likes him, and he clearly cares so much about the person Yata’s in love with – what was Yata’s poor heart supposed to do but shift to make room for such a person, right next to the place Saru has always laid claim to? It doesn’t help that they’re all hanging out together, either; he finds himself having embarrassing thoughts of the two of them together in other, decidedly less innocent ways, and…

“Ugh!” he yells again, hearing Kusanagi huff in amusement across from him. In addition to near-constant embarrassment, Yata also finds himself feeling a little sad, even as he’s so happy to be with Saru again and to have a new important person in his life. The thing is, like, of course if Saruhiko were to have the choice between him and Munakata, he’d wanna be with the latter, Yata thinks. Not him, and while he would never let that take him away from Saru again, the thought makes him sad, especially in light of his feelings for both of them. He’s already vowed to himself that, if the time comes, he’ll give them their space, take a step back, and be supportive; after all, they would make each other happy, Yata’s sure of that.

He sighs again, lifting his head from his arms at the ding of his PDA,

_Mm, I thought you were already coming Misaki, or did you have someone else in mind?_

Huffing even through a smile, Yata replies, _u know who i mean, stupd saru_ , though he knows Saruhiko probably already invited the man in question. Blushing, and with a fluttering heart, he sends another message, _c u tonite_ , before putting his phone down again and looking helplessly over at Kusanagi, who only grins at Yata’s misery.

“Good luck with your date,” he says with a wink.

Yata groans and drops his head back down.

It’s going to be a long night, after all. He’ll need all the luck he can get.

**Author's Note:**

> thank you so much if you got this far, this is low key the longest thing I've ever written and it all happened in one day, so hopefully it turned out okay despite that (or maybe because of that?). anyway. thank you again. hopefully someone else likes the idea of these three together as much as I do, because there's a lot more coming and it would be sick not to be in reisarumi hell alone (has such a nice ring to it, doesn't it? cmon friendos hop on this ship!)


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